I took some space
Moved 3000 some odd miles away
But what I really needed was a mental break.
To consider all the things my mirror suggested to me
About being defensive, rude, haughty, and cocky among other things
I'm so exposed, I look in my mirror and I don't like who or what I see.
My defensive, haughty, and cocky attitude clouded me
Deep down inside I knew I was all those things
But when I'm hurt or bruised I bury what I myself don't wanna see
Like girls with limited self-esteem- I applied my make-up, looked in the mirror, and convinced myself that I was a perfect being
Burying the pain I truly felt and coped the only way I knew how...
Retreat.
To prove my mirror wrong I saw my faults and mistakes in my own time
Not when I was pinned against the wall
Forced to see my asshole ways with an ego times three.
Choke, gag, choke, gag; Those are my prior actions, being rude and mean.
Giving so much 'tude
Refusing to admit that my haughtiness and ego were my 1st loves
Before you or your feelings.
Well here I am.
More of the person you fought for me to be
I have been silent for long enough I'm brave enough to speak.
It may have not been when or how you wanted it to be
But I'm ready and this is my apology
For my asshole ways, my abandonment, and ego
Fifty days and I'm defaced
My make-up is to a minimum
Now I finally see me.
I reach for the phone...call, searching for...
Confirmation in your voice
My reflection in your eyes
Instead I got your voicemail
"You have reached the voicemail box for 586863----"
Which was all the confirmation I needed
My mirror was you and the one time I wanted your approval my conscious whispered: "It's really you in the reflection your eyes meets. Good work"
Moved 3000 some odd miles away
But what I really needed was a mental break.
To consider all the things my mirror suggested to me
About being defensive, rude, haughty, and cocky among other things
I'm so exposed, I look in my mirror and I don't like who or what I see.
My defensive, haughty, and cocky attitude clouded me
Deep down inside I knew I was all those things
But when I'm hurt or bruised I bury what I myself don't wanna see
Like girls with limited self-esteem- I applied my make-up, looked in the mirror, and convinced myself that I was a perfect being
Burying the pain I truly felt and coped the only way I knew how...
Retreat.
To prove my mirror wrong I saw my faults and mistakes in my own time
Not when I was pinned against the wall
Forced to see my asshole ways with an ego times three.
Choke, gag, choke, gag; Those are my prior actions, being rude and mean.
Giving so much 'tude
Refusing to admit that my haughtiness and ego were my 1st loves
Before you or your feelings.
Well here I am.
More of the person you fought for me to be
I have been silent for long enough I'm brave enough to speak.
It may have not been when or how you wanted it to be
But I'm ready and this is my apology
For my asshole ways, my abandonment, and ego
Fifty days and I'm defaced
My make-up is to a minimum
Now I finally see me.
I reach for the phone...call, searching for...
Confirmation in your voice
My reflection in your eyes
Instead I got your voicemail
"You have reached the voicemail box for 586863----"
Which was all the confirmation I needed
My mirror was you and the one time I wanted your approval my conscious whispered: "It's really you in the reflection your eyes meets. Good work"
***This is something I wrote the summer of 2010. I shared because, well, it's her birthday today and she's heavy on my brain. I wanted to send her a book I read, I thought she'd enjoy it but I decided against it and went with an e-card. I just wanted to acknowledge her day because those who know me, know that I would have thought of her on today if not any other day. It's hard when someone was so influential in your life and you can't speak to them occasionally. I think that's the hardest part for me to "get over" and I always wonder if I ever will. Anywho, Happy Birthday HoneyBee *raises glass* CHEERS***
Live
Love
Trust
0 comments:
Post a Comment